Book #16: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff by Richard Carlson

This book seems like the quintessential in self-help books, but not the current stylish kind of self-help books. I know I've seen it before because it is pretty ubiquitous, but I'd never considered reading it. But it is really chock full of great thoughts and great strategies for managing stress and making your life slower and more enjoyable. Some of them almost seemed gospel-related if you tweaked a couple of his ideas. I think this book would be better reading if you just took each vignette/idea individually instead of reading it in one sitting. They need to be considered separately in order for them to have the most impact, I think. I didn't read it in one sitting but I did push through it too quickly because I was pretty interested in it. I'm thinking I might make a list of my favorite 10 or so and try to apply them one at a time or something. Because I have so many moments a day where I need some reminders to calm myself and to remember not to take myself (or whatever frustrating predicament is going on right then) so seriously!

My favorite ones (I folded over the corner on the pages that seemed especially applicable to me):
1. Be aware of the snowball effect of your thinking. Notice what's happening in your head before your thoughts have any chance to build momentum. Say, "Whew, there I go again," and consciously nip it in the bud. <--- I have already figured out how to do this when I'm laying in my bed late at night and trying unsuccessfully to go to sleep. It's so important to get your brain to stop whirling!
2. Create "Patience Practice Periods." Set up periods of time in your own mind to practice the art of patience. Start by saying to yourself, "Okay, for the next five minutes I won't allow myself to be bothered by anything. I'll be patient." Just having the intention to be patient will strengthen your capacity for patience. And you can build up to longer and longer periods.
3. Ask yourself the question: "Will this matter a year from now?" This helps you to see what is really important or if you're making it out to be more than it really is.
4. Become an anthropologist. Be interested, without judgment, in the way people choose to live and behave. Be genuinely curious about the way someone feels about something, and the less likely you are to be annoyed.
5. "Wherever you go, there you are." Don't constantly wish you were somewhere else and think that if you were, somehow you would be happier and more content. The truth is, if you have destructive mental habits, those habits will follow you wherever you go, and you will likely be as unhappy in other situations as well. You need to focus on becoming at peace with where you are right now.
6. Count to ten. When you feel yourself getting angry, take a long deep breath, and as you do, count the number one. Repeat with all the same numbers up to 10 (or even 25 if you are really angry). The combination of breathing and counting is so relaxing that it's almost impossible to remain angry once you are finished. <--- This would be an excellent one to use with kids. I have tried to implement this before but it's hard to break out of the cycle of anger once you're in it. You've got to catch it beforehand.
7. Be happy where you are. This reminds me of President Uchtdorf's quote, "Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect."
8. Remember that you become what you practice most. This reminds me of another favorite quote by Richard G. Scott: "We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day."
9. Become an early riser. Having a peaceful, meaningful life is made much easier when you have time for yourself. Consider that fatigue is caused by a lack of fulfillment and a sense of being overwhelmed, and getting up early to take care of things you want to do yourself is one way to combat this. You can have your "me" time before anyone else wakes up in order to have the quiet activities you never have the time to do. <--- This one is way easier said than done; particularly when in this phase with young babies. I have good intentions maybe once every few months but it never lasts very long. But it does sound lovely in theory.
10. Keep asking yourself, "What's really important?" Reminding yourself (consciously) of what's really important helps to keep your priorities straight. <--- I have thought about this but not on a super regular basis. It is easy to get caught up in feeling like my life at home with these kids is slow and not filled with anything important, but if I ask myself this question, I remember that the important thing is that they have a happy life--that we all have a happy life together.
11. Be open to "What Is." When we have preconceived ideas (expectations) about the way life should be, they interfere with our opportunity to enjoy or learn from the present moment. This prevents us from honoring what we are going through. Rather than reacting to a child's complaining, try opening your heart and accepting the moment for what it is. Make it okay that they aren't acting exactly the way you would like them to. <--- This reminds me of something my mom said to me: "Those expectations, they'll kill you every time."
12. Look for the extraordinary in the ordinary. We see in life what we want to see. < --- This one should be easy to do while staying home with adorable, sweet, precious kids.

I want to start implementing these strategies in my everyday life. I can totally see how if they became habits, you would be a calmer, happier, more peaceful person.