I can't say how much I loved this book. Lauren--who has a crazy background as a drug addict, former harem member and stripper, wife of a rockstar (the bassist for Weezer), and then MFA student--tells the story about their journey through infertility, through adoption, and through learning about and dealing with her son's special needs with astonishing honesty. She goes way, way, way deep into how truly desperate she felt at many stages, and shares the truth about what she really did and thought all along the way. It feels like a more meaningful, redemptive story, since she came from such a desperate background and came so close to losing everything. (She talks about one of her best friends throughout the narrative, who eventually dies of an overdose a few years in and provides a what-if storyline for Lauren herself.) I feel like Lauren's story struck so meaningfully to me because I am about to give birth to my third easily-achieved baby, and I felt almost guilty and unappreciative listening to the extreme lengths she and her husband went to to try and have babies before eventually coming to the idea of adopting. And I also felt almost guilty and unappreciative of my relatively easy children after hearing all the difficulties her young son had after his adoption--not that Lauren is writing this in any sort of complaining way. She talks a lot about how his struggles come from his experience with trauma and his separations he experienced as an infant before he was adopted. But her desperation and frustration she felt while dealing with his violence and rejection at the ages of 2 and 3 sounded so familiar to me--because I have felt a lot of those same feelings just with my normal, easy children. I have felt so out-of-control and wondered what is wrong with me, or how I am messing up my children. But I have so much fewer reasons to feel that way compared to her situation. I loved how she was so honest--she even talked about how she hit her son one time when he bit her (as he did repeatedly), and about all of the therapy and diagnoses they had to go through, but also about how much she loved her son and how much work she was willing to put in to help him.
I have often thought how amazing it would be to adopt or foster a child, but I have been afraid of it because of reasons like Lauren's experience--how absolutely hard it must be. Even though Lauren's experience with her son is just proof that yes, it is really hard, mind-numbingly hard--it actually made me want to do it even more. Because they survive, and they end up not "happily ever after" but heading in the right direction and stronger than they were before. I think this book would be a great, great read for anyone remotely interested in adoption, but also just for anyone who likes things that are well-written and inspiring in the best way. I am sure that I will re-read this someday. It was that good.
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