Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff

I thought this book was absolutely fascinating about parenting in indigenous cultures. The author goes to three different indigenous cultures (Mayan, Inuit, and Hadzabe) and observes and interviews parents about how they parent and what they do differently from our WEIRD (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, Democratic) parenting styles. Turns out, WEIRD parenting is really different from the way that most parents have done it for millennia--but the parenting that these indigenous cultures are doing is based off of what has worked for generations and hasn't changed as much. I thought that was one of the most compelling arguments for the book--our parenting style in WEIRD countries has only been happening for two or three generations at most, and most parenting articles and research being done in WEIRD countries is based only on WEIRD parents and kids so nothing has actually been generationally proven to work. 

It was really interesting just learning about these three different cultures and hearing about what she observed from these groups, but also super, super informative. I thought Doucleff did such a good job describing what the parents in these other cultures were doing, but then also breaking it down and giving specific, actionable items that parents could try. It was a cross between anthropological research and parenting, and I was super into it. I think I want to buy a hard copy so I can go back and reference it again because I know I will want to remember what she wrote about. I read it as an e-book on my phone but I then checked out a hard copy from the library because I wanted to read through it more thoroughly again and take better notes. 

Major ideas that I got from the book:

• Instead of just giving kids chores to do, make them involved in helping with the family as a whole. We all work together and make contributions to the family. Give them real responsibilities that are really helpful. 
• Minimize child-centered activities and toys/entertainment. Maximize their exposure to the adult world and bring them along on errands and do activities that you would want to do even without them.
• Don't force an issue is the kid is resisting a request. Don't nag and don't force. Practice encouragement. Use praise very sparingly, and when you do use it, praise an overall value like helpfulness or maturity. 
• Remember that anger towards a child is unproductive. It generates conflict, builds tension, stops communication. Every time we yell at a child, we teach them to yell, and we let them practice getting angry and yelling. When we respond with calmness, we give them a chance to practice calmness and calming down. 
• If you feel angry, stay quiet. Don't talk. Walk away until you can be calm. 
• Teach yourself to have less/no anger towards children. Change how you view their behavior and expect misbehavior. Never argue or negotiate with a child. Stop forcing them to do things and use encouragement instead. 
• Responding to tantrums: Go low-energy when they're screaming. Stand near them silently and physically support them. Touch them gently. Help the child to replace their anger with the feeling of awe by finding something beautiful to look at. Go outside. 
• Responding to everyday misbehaviors: Use the look. Calmly state the consequences of the child's actions then walk away. Ask the child a question that will get them to think ("Who's being disrespectful? Who's hitting?"). Give the misbehaving child a task/responsibility. 
• Use stories and dramas to encourage children to behave and to learn values. Tell stories from your childhood, put on a puppet show, use a monster story, use an inanimate object to help teach what to do.
• Reduce how often you instruct your child. Try to keep it to 3 commands an hour. Give the kids autonomy in certain areas/places where you can watch and only minimally interfere.
• Use T.E.A.M. parenting:
• T: Togetherness
• E: Encourage
• A: Autonomy
• M: Minimize Interference
• T.E.A.M. parenting is different from helicopter and free-range parenting because parents are in charge of macro-parenting issues, like scheduling and activities. But within those family-centered activities, the child is largely in charge of their own behavior with autonomy and minimal interference.