Happier Hour: How to Beat Distraction, Expand your Time, and Focus on What Matters Most by Cassie Holmes

I really loved this time management book as well. I thought she gave some really good, scientifically based information. Everything she talked about was based in social science studies, most of which she conducted herself, and about what makes people happier. Very well done. Shocker: it's about relationships and not about getting stuff done. 

Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters by Laura Vanderkam

I like that Vanderkam is a mom of five kids, spread out over a wider spread of ages than our kids are. She isn't writing about time management from her white tower. She's super busy and gets how hard it is to implement things. But I really liked this book and the 9 techniques she talks about. I especially want to implement having a bedtime and doing one big adventure and one little adventure each week. 

Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life by C. S. Lewis

I honestly found some of this book hard to follow. Lewis is clearly one of the smartest people I've ever read--he remembers almost everything he ever read and had references to every classic in Latin and Greek in every other sentence. As someone who doesn't know any classics, it was hard to catch all the references. But it was fine. Not really a memoir as you'd think by the title. 

My Body is Not a Prayer Request by Amy Kenney

I heard about this from several different people and thought it would be a good thing to learn about. Kenney is writing about disability in the Christian religion and how we can do better to include and not try to "fix" or change the disabled members of the church. I definitely feel that I could do better with this and think this is such a good introduction to how and why.

A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis

After reading Becoming Mrs. Lewis, I wanted to read all of the other books by Lewis that I could find. This one he wrote after Joy Davidman died, and I think this would be a great book to read while going through grief (or maybe not, depending on how you're feeling). You could really feel his anguish. 

Empire of Pain: The Secret History of the Sackler Dynasty by Patrick Radden Keefe

This was absolutely mind-blowing. Mind-blowing. I kept having to stop to tell Tommy about what I was learning from it. I still can't believe some of it. So insane. 

Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch

Dr. JFF recommended this book and talks about this author all the time in her courses. I feel like this could have been about half as long and just as effective, but there were definitely some good, interesting points that I wanted to remember. A lot of it JFF talked about too. 

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters by Priya Parker

This was really what it sounds like--a book about how to have good gatherings. But it goes into way more detail than I expected and honestly, was fairly interesting. I learned a lot of good ideas from it, although let's be honest--right now is not the stage in my life when this book will be that useful. Maybe in a few years I should read it again. 

The Day the World Came to Town: 9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland

I'd seen this book mentioned places for years but finally checked it out. It was a cute true story about the thousands of people who were stranded for days in this tiny hamlet in Newfoundland. It went quickly and was heartwarming about how many people helped and gave to strangers. It was also hard reading about 9/11 as a new event again.

Laundry Love: Finding Joy in a Common Chore by Patric Richardson

I thought this book would be more metaphorical with more stories and "life lessons" than it ended up being--but it basically is almost completely a book about how to do laundry the right way. Haha! It was pretty short and actually full of new information that I didn't ever know about how to do the laundry. I learned a lot about better ways to do laundry and taking care of your clothes. It seemed like the best thing about this book is all of the specific tips for specific items of clothing, so I feel like this would be a good book to have if you need to look up how to remove a specific type of stain or if you need to wash something really persnickety. He basically says you should never need to dry clean anything and that you don't need to use all the fancy detergents--you can just use soap flakes! I want to try his tips and things at some other time in my life, but right now is not the time for me to overhaul our laundry routine completely with our new baby coming. But this would definitely be a good reference guide. 

Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff

I thought this book was absolutely fascinating about parenting in indigenous cultures. The author goes to three different indigenous cultures (Mayan, Inuit, and Hadzabe) and observes and interviews parents about how they parent and what they do differently from our WEIRD (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, Democratic) parenting styles. Turns out, WEIRD parenting is really different from the way that most parents have done it for millennia--but the parenting that these indigenous cultures are doing is based off of what has worked for generations and hasn't changed as much. I thought that was one of the most compelling arguments for the book--our parenting style in WEIRD countries has only been happening for two or three generations at most, and most parenting articles and research being done in WEIRD countries is based only on WEIRD parents and kids so nothing has actually been generationally proven to work. 

It was really interesting just learning about these three different cultures and hearing about what she observed from these groups, but also super, super informative. I thought Doucleff did such a good job describing what the parents in these other cultures were doing, but then also breaking it down and giving specific, actionable items that parents could try. It was a cross between anthropological research and parenting, and I was super into it. I think I want to buy a hard copy so I can go back and reference it again because I know I will want to remember what she wrote about. I read it as an e-book on my phone but I then checked out a hard copy from the library because I wanted to read through it more thoroughly again and take better notes. 

Major ideas that I got from the book:

• Instead of just giving kids chores to do, make them involved in helping with the family as a whole. We all work together and make contributions to the family. Give them real responsibilities that are really helpful. 
• Minimize child-centered activities and toys/entertainment. Maximize their exposure to the adult world and bring them along on errands and do activities that you would want to do even without them.
• Don't force an issue is the kid is resisting a request. Don't nag and don't force. Practice encouragement. Use praise very sparingly, and when you do use it, praise an overall value like helpfulness or maturity. 
• Remember that anger towards a child is unproductive. It generates conflict, builds tension, stops communication. Every time we yell at a child, we teach them to yell, and we let them practice getting angry and yelling. When we respond with calmness, we give them a chance to practice calmness and calming down. 
• If you feel angry, stay quiet. Don't talk. Walk away until you can be calm. 
• Teach yourself to have less/no anger towards children. Change how you view their behavior and expect misbehavior. Never argue or negotiate with a child. Stop forcing them to do things and use encouragement instead. 
• Responding to tantrums: Go low-energy when they're screaming. Stand near them silently and physically support them. Touch them gently. Help the child to replace their anger with the feeling of awe by finding something beautiful to look at. Go outside. 
• Responding to everyday misbehaviors: Use the look. Calmly state the consequences of the child's actions then walk away. Ask the child a question that will get them to think ("Who's being disrespectful? Who's hitting?"). Give the misbehaving child a task/responsibility. 
• Use stories and dramas to encourage children to behave and to learn values. Tell stories from your childhood, put on a puppet show, use a monster story, use an inanimate object to help teach what to do.
• Reduce how often you instruct your child. Try to keep it to 3 commands an hour. Give the kids autonomy in certain areas/places where you can watch and only minimally interfere.
• Use T.E.A.M. parenting:
• T: Togetherness
• E: Encourage
• A: Autonomy
• M: Minimize Interference
• T.E.A.M. parenting is different from helicopter and free-range parenting because parents are in charge of macro-parenting issues, like scheduling and activities. But within those family-centered activities, the child is largely in charge of their own behavior with autonomy and minimal interference. 

That Sounds Fun: The Joys of Being an Amateur, the Power of Falling in Love, and Why You Need a Hobby by Annie F. Downs

This is another one of these unexpectedly Christian authors that I accidentally stumbled across and ended up reading her book. I liked the idea of the title, because I feel like books that are about hobbies and being an amateur sound up my alley, and will be motivating to help me try new things and get out of my ruts. And I thought this was a fine book, with cute essays and stories, but honestly nothing super shocking or brand new. It was only about 6 hours and I got through it super quickly and don't remember anything super concrete about it, even though it was just a few weeks ago. So it was so-so. 

I Take My Coffee Black: Reflections on Tupac, Musical Theater, Faith, and Being Black in America by Tyler Merritt

I basically only know about this guy because he is dating Jen Hatmaker, who has written several books I've read but also is one of the funniest people I follow on Facebook (maybe the only non-real life human I actually follow on Facebook). It seemed like he was kind of a public figure himself, although I'm still not exactly sure what for, and I basically saw that he'd written a book and thought I would read it. It was a fun read, kind of a memoir about his life growing up in Las Vegas and getting into musical theater and Christianity, but also filled with important info and discussion about racism and being black in America and being judged for the color of his skin. I really enjoyed it and his vulnerability and honesty about his past mistakes, but also his hilarious, relaxed, and simple writing style. 

When Stars Are Scattered by Victoria Jamieson and Omar Mohamed

I really loved this graphic novel. I'm so interested in this genre of realistic graphic novels that depict hard, real-life events, like Dancing at the Pity Party. I think it's such an effective way to show emotion and to use simple language to convey what happened. (I remember I wrote a whole essay about the comic book format in Maus my sophomore year of college. I think I need to re-read it.) This is a graphic novel telling the story of a refugee camp in Africa (I can't remember the exact country now), which is an extremely hard and sad topic, from the perspective of two boys living in the refugee camp. I loved the relationship between the two brothers and what they learned as they grew up, and how it showed that there was still hope even in one of the most difficult places on earth. 

The Secrets of Happy Families by Bruce Feiler

This was a book I didn't expect to get so invested in. This is a parenting book that's not based on advice from therapists, but based on research about what works and how to make your family as happy as possible. I didn't feel like much of this information was brand new--I've definitely heard it all before--but it was really well-organized and really easily accessible, and I highlighted a bunch of sections that I wanted to remember. I wanted to write them all down here so I can refer back to this... since I just read this as an e-book from the library. 

-Family Meetings! Super helpful to allow your family to adapt and improve on a weekly basis. Three questions to ask: 

1. What things went well in our family this week?

2. What things could we improve in our family?

3. What things will you commit to working on this week?

-Agile Family Manifesto:

1. Solutions exist.

2. Empower the children. Allow kids to have a say in setting their goals each week and decide on their own punishments/consequences. 

3. Parents aren't invincible. 

4. Create a safe zone. 

5. Build in flexibility. 

-Build in a family narrative. The most healthful narrative is the oscillating family narrative: we've had our ups and downs, we had setbacks, but no matter what else happened, we always stuck together as a family. Kids who can answer the questions in the "Do You Know" scale are better adjusted and happier.

-Family dinner is the ideal time to give kids this family history. Ideas: 10-50-1. 10 minutes of quality talk per meal. Let your kids talk at least 50% of the time. Teach your kids 1 new word every meal, playing simple vocabulary games. Have autobiography night; have the kids tell you stories from their own past. Word game night: thesaurus night, alliteration game, fill in the blank, what's the difference between...

-Have a family mission statement. Keep it short, make it a memorable experience coming up with it, post it in a prominent place. Decide what are your family values (he has a list of 80 in the book) and which you want to emphasize the most.

What words best describe our family?

What is most important to our family?

What are our strengths as a family?

What sayings best capture our family?

"Creating a family identity is the collective equivalent of imagining your best possible self. It forces you to conceive, construct, then put in a public place a written ideal of what you want your family to be."

-Talking about money. All couples should have quarterly meetings to discuss financial matters. Talk about money with your kids and have it be an ongoing conversation. 

-Handling conflict. Teach your kids to think about yourself first. What did you do? Be curious about the other person and what they're feeling. Apologize. Have the conversation or you'll be handling conflict for the rest of your life. 

-Marriage relationship: Try something novel with your partner, go on double dates. 

-Spaces: Kids need their own personal, private space. They love to create "secret" hideouts like clubhouses. 

-Vacations: Making a vacation into an "amazing race" style game with points for accomplishing certain tasks. Send them on "missions" to accomplish things and keep them excited. 

Biggest points:

Adapt all the time. 

Talk a lot. 

Go out and play. 

Nomadland: Surviving America in the Twenty-first Century by Jessica Bruder

This book talks about the growing numbers of people in America who have been priced out of their homes and end up living on the road out of their cars or in RVs, not by choice, but by financial necessity. Bruder got to know the community and follows several people throughout the book, and shares about how they find migrant work and how they navigate living on the road. It was really interesting to learn about this group of people, but I honestly wasn't super enthralled by it. I feel like this didn't need to be a full-length book--maybe a super long essay for the New Yorker or something. But it was definitely well-researched and well-done. 

Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman

I actually really enjoyed this audiobook and I almost wish I had read it as a hard copy so I could take notes and mark passages that stood out to me. This seems like it's going to be a time management self help book with tips about how to get more done and be more productive and use your time better, but it actually is kind of giving the opposite message: that there will never be enough time, so you need to decide what you really want to be doing with your time so that you can have a good life now. I have thought a lot about this book and I have found myself telling some of his points to lots of different people over the last few weeks since I read it, and I kind of want to re-read it and take more detailed notes. I do feel like I'm not terrible at what he's talking about--I feel like my life choices reflect my true desires and that I am savoring and enjoying what I'm doing in my day-to-day life--but I think this book has really valuable advice. 

The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green

I have only read one or two of John Green's books, but they have always stuck out to me as books that I felt were really well done and really emotionally in tune and honest. So when I heard that John Green had written this book of reviews of human experiences (sounds weird but turned out great), I wanted to read it. I loved how he wrote about things like Canada geese and staph infections and described them in ways that made me able to appreciate them and understand what it's like to experience them, and he wrote really honestly about his experiences with anxiety and depression and Covid-19 and raising children, and it was really refreshing to hear about someone's real life experiences. He really made me think about how human-centric our worldview is and how we don't ever think about how tiny our little blip of world history really is. He also made me laugh out loud several times, like when he was talking about how if aliens came to our planet, they would think that we worshipped the green spots around our houses, because of how much we do to take care of these lawns--and how silly that is. 

I'm a Stranger Here Myself: Notes on Returning to America After Twenty Years Away by Bill Bryson

I loved this book so much when I first encountered it years ago. I remember reading it out loud to some of Tommy's family in the car in China in 2009! So it has been a while since I first read this. Bill Bryson is such a hilarious writer and I love that he is so matter-of-fact and basic while also making funny observations. Tommy and I re-listened to this while on our get-away road trip to Fredericksburg in March and it was a great audiobook for our drive. I feel like my appreciation for it this time around was less than I remembered, though--although some of his points still resonate, like him talking about how Americans don't walk anywhere ever. I still think about that all the time. 

How to Be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question by Michael Schur

I really enjoyed this book, which I heard about on the Office Ladies podcast. Michael Schur was a writer on The Office and he came on the podcast, and this book sounded so interesting so I decided to check it out. It's basically an overview of an Ethics 101 class, and he goes over all of these different views of ethics and ethical questions. I really enjoyed it because I felt like Schur did a great job of explaining everything in a really easy-to-understand way, but also making it really funny. I found it actually really engrossing and I plowed through it in just a couple of days, even though it didn't seem like it would have been a super exciting thing. I felt like I learned a lot about ethics and what it means to be truly good.