Book #31: The Collapse of Parenting by Leonard Sax

I've heard lots of good reviews about this book and really enjoyed reading it. Sax talks about how parents these days are far too concerned with being their kids' best friend instead of actually trying to teach them how to grow up and the expectations and rules of being members of society. They're afraid to make them follow the rules or speak respectfully because then their kids won't love them any more. Unfortunately, this is really negative for kids, because they don't learn how to make responsible choices or to develop any discipline. Sax is arguing that parents need to re-assert their authority and make sure that their kids aren't taking their screens to bed, that they're sleeping normal hours, that they're eating all types of foods, etc. He also is very anti-medication for ADHD and other psychiatric medications and spends a whole chapter on why those are bad. He says that we really need to teach our kids humility--help them realize they're not more important than everyone else around them--and grit--help them to survive failures and other people not liking them--and to strengthen our individual family relationships so that they want to be with us and don't value peer relationships more than parents. (I thought that point was probably very important, but I just don't know how realistic that really is. I feel like almost every teenager spends years caring more about their peers than their parents. How can you really fight that? I don't know.)

The funny thing is--I basically fully agree with everything he said in this book. I already thought these things were true and I totally think that there is too much psychiatric medication, too many kids with too many screens, too much free rein for kids too young. I am all about strict parenting, etc. But half of this book just kept rubbing me the wrong way. I felt like Sax was very one-sided and completely not sympathetic or interested in what other people believe or feel. Particularly when he was talking about medications, he never once even hinted that there might be cases in which the medication might be necessary. He just kept saying that parents give their kids medication instead of bothering to give them expectations and hold them to it, so the medication is basically a substitute for bad parenting. I felt like it was a little harsh--maybe true, but maybe not, and definitely not in all cases. I felt like that throughout the whole book, and that held me back from wanting to recommend it wholeheartedly to other family members who may have been interested.